you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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