Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
