you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
