roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
