i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
