jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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