i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
