I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
