Got a toothbrush?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
