I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
