I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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