I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
