hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
