this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
