Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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