That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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