You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize