Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
