Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize