Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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