I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
