You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
