i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
