after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sext me about skeletons
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
