If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
