Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
