The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
