it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
