Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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