you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize