im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
