This is not my ceiling
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
