I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
