i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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