I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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