I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sext me about skeletons
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
