I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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