you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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