It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
