Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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