Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize