And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
