I should be sponsored by Trojan
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Two words: blizzard sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
