So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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