You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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