addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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