some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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