The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
