he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
