If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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