She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
