He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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