Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Randomize
