He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize