Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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