she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
