just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
