ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
