and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
