the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
