shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
