Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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