Redeem this text for a blowjob
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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