Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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