I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
