how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize