I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how does that bad decision feel?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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