garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
